That little voice...

You know that little voice you hear when you're making dinner,  getting ready in the morning, driving in the car, etc...  You know that voice, right?   Sometimes it alerts us to danger, sometimes it provides us with a creative vision, and sometimes it urges us to act on something.  I hope I'm not the only one who has that voice.  Oprah has mentioned "the voice" before so I'm assuming I'm not alone!

Anyway, I'm here today to tell you to listen to your inner voice.  I know I've been away from my blog a bit in the past week or two.  I've been busy putting all my grandeous plans I made around the Holidays into action.  Who knows if I even have any readers left?!  (Maybe I'm talking to myself.)  At any rate, if ever you have taken anything away from reading my blog let it be this:  LISTEN TO THAT VOICE.  It's there for a reason.

Wednesday afternoon I was out running errands kid-free (a rarity for me).   On the way home I was enjoying a bit of peace and quiet with MY music playing in the background.  A nice change of pace from the books on cd or kid music that usually plays when there are kids in the car.  So, I'm sitting at a stop light when that little voice pops into my head.  "You should call Katie." , the voice said.  Hmmmm... the voice goes onto say things like;  "Wow, Katie is coming up on her 21st birthday...has it really been that long since she graduated.", "I wonder if all of her hair is grown back.", "I wonder if she still has a lot of phantom pains from losing her leg.", "I bet she would like a gift certificate to a movie rental store...oh, how that girl loves movies.".  It was at least a 10-minute train of random thoughts about my dear friend, Katie. 

Katie was a former high school student of mine.  I had her in my 10th grade American History class.  The beginning of her Junior year she was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.  Due to the side effects from the rigorous treatment she was unable to attend school on a regular basis.  I took on the role of homebound teaching Katie.  During her junior and senior year we worked like mad to complete her course work.  Of course that meant notes and lectures in the company of a nurse administering meds. Or the constant buzz of the port dripping that weeks treatment into her body while she plugged away at a paper or a test.  It also meant her mom holding and rocking my brand new baby who was just a few weeks old so I could help Katie fill in the answers as she was too tired to write.

Together we worked to accomplish her goal of graduating with her classmates.  She and I were a determined duo...nothing would stop us...not even chemo!  I'm proud to say that we did it!!  Katie graduated with her class.  Quite an accomplishment especially under those circumstances.

Well...it's been 3 years since she graduated.  In the past three-years Katie's cancer was under control, came back, had a leg bone taken out and replaced with a state of the art "rod" (katie called it her "Cadillac Leg"), cancer under control, came back, had her leg amputated, suffered extreme phantom pains, continued treatment to rid her body of cancer...   In other words, in the past three years Katie put up quite a fight.

Over the past three years I have thought of Katie often.  I checked her Caring Bridge site for updates every now and again.  I also recieved updates from a mutual friend of her family.  Although I didn't stay in close contact with Katie after she graduated I still felt such a strong connection to her. 

On Wednesday, there was that voice.  I'm almost positive it was the longest stretch of time that voice has ever gone on in my head.  By the time I got home I was determined to call her...we needed to catch up.  When I walked in the door I was quickly swept up in  birthday party preparations.  There was a cake to bake, dinner to prepare, gifts to wrap.  Maybe I could call tomorrow.  The next morning we made our regular Thursday morning trip to the library.  Then of course the kids decide to nap opposite one another so there is no quiet time for a phone call.  That's ok...I'll call just as soon as the kids go down.  I go and tuck my oldest son into bed and phone starts ringing.  I can hear a voice on the answering machine..."Hi Jamie, this is Mrs. Fellows calling with an update on Katie...."

My heart dropped.  I knew.  I was too late.  I knew without question why she was calling.  There wasn't a doubt in my mind.  Sure enough.  Katie passed away at 4:15 pm on Thursday afternoon.  She passed in the comfort of her home surrounded by her closest friends and family. 

So this, my friends, is a gentle reminder to listen to that little voice.  Act on it.  DO what it is telling you to do before it's too late. 

Comments

[Dawn]

Oh gosh, Jamie, I am so sorry. Sounds like you guys had a very special relationship. Bless you and Katie's family.

[dawn sela]

I am still reading Jamie....so sorry...hugs to you.
Dawn

[shelly hatton]

Another reader too.....and I completely believe in that voice too. I recently ignored it as well, and it cost me a last contact with someone too. Prayers out to you and Katie's family.

[Amanda(peawithme)]

I'm so sorry to hear this! I sooo believe in listening to the voice and can relate to your experience. Hugs to you and prayers to Katies family.

Thanks for the gentle reminder....

[Mia]

I'm so sorry. That story gave me goosebumps. That's it...I'm making my phone calls tonight.

[Stacy]

Jamie- your story brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry. I believe in the voice too and as a teacher I know what it is like to get close to a student and then lose touch. Katy knew that you cared for her and I'm sure she passed with fond memories of your time spent together. My thoughts and prayers go out to your family and Katy's.

[paolo liloc]

Jamie-
my deepest heartfelt condolences... paying attention and listening is something we need to constantly remind ourselves about. thank you for sharing that wisdom.

[Candy]

I am so sorry for your loss of such a wonderful young woman.
Thank you for sharing this story in such an inspiring way.

[Shelley]

Thank you for your heartfelt reminder.

[jen]

My heart breaks for that strong, beautiful girl and her family. As a parent I can't imagine surviving that loss - I can't imagine my life going on. It sounds like you were a pivotal person in that young ladies life, and she yours. I wish you all peace during this difficult time and will keep you message in my mind always! THANK YOU for sharing that story, even though it brings tears to my eyes....

[laureen]

Jamie,
So sorry you didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I'm sure your presence in her life made such a difference to her...and hers to you. Take care,
laureen

[Rebecca]

Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry. For you, for katie, and for everyone who knew her. Thank you for your beautiful reminder that we need to pay attention to that inner voice - we never know when we'll lose the chance.

Take care.

[Chris]

Oh I'm sorry. This happened to my hubby last week. He had been thinkng about his best friend whom he hadn't seen or spoken to in 6 years - life gets in the way. Anyway, we visited his family a few days later and is father told him that his best friend has passed away very unexpectedly just a few days earlier. Needless to day, my poor guy was very upset, especialy as he had been thinking about him and contacting him just days earlier.
You are so right about the 'voice'. I've ignored mine one to many times and now I listen, even though people sometimes think I'm a little paranoid!

Chris (wonkeygirl at peas)

[Shelley Rankin]

Jamie, what a powerful story and message. I also believe that voice is in each of us. It is just a matter of tuning in and listening. Sorry that you didn't have a chance to talk to her but I am sure you know that she is in a beautiful place and looks down on you and all that you did for her with fondness and love!

[Lyndsay]

I'm so sorry.....it sounds like you were a wonderful blessing in her life and for that you should be very proud.